I’d like to welcome you all, family and friends, and thank you for joining Charlotte and I in celebrating the life and saying goodbye to a very special person, a much loved sister to Mel, Shirl, Sue, Steve, Tina, Sally and Barry, Charlotte’s amazing mum and my wonderful wife, Janet.
In many ways Janet would be a little sad today in that she will not be able to have a long chat and catchup with those she held most dear, her family and friends. She adored her brother and sisters and those lucky enough to be counted as friends. Family life remained central to Janet all her life and it gave her the solid foundation to build a happy, contented and fulfilling life.
Janet was born in Colchester, the youngest of 8. Janet acquired early on a family nickname of Fred. For those outside the family wondering why; at birth she had a heavy crop of black hair and one of her siblings, we suspect Steve, suggested that she looked like Fred Flintstone. The nickname Fred stuck and was with her for all her life, mercifully though, the physical likeness to the good citizen of Bedrock soon faded!
Her early life was spent on the move from various homes to follow where her dad’s work took her. This meant starting new schools, often during the middle of the term and the worry of making new friends. But there was always a strong family group to look after her, and her sisters in particular Tina and Sally were around to play and fight with! Regular visits to her older brother, sisters, their families and aunts gave her family bonds to all of them that endured her whole life. She would reflect often on her childhood as being a happy and contented one. She often spoke of her love for her parents and each and every one of her siblings and the wider family for giving her such a great childhood.
Janet studiously worked her way through school and although modestly claiming not to be an academic and that she learnt enough to get through exams, she retained a love for lifelong learning. She often recounted with a smirk on her face that her school career may have been hampered slightly in that she followed her elder sisters into secondary school, initially to be met by a teacher exclaiming ‘oh no not another Newstead girl’. (Sally can explain further). Indeed, Janet would often help her mum clean after school and Janet would be sent into the head of year’s office first to see if the teacher was there so her mum didn’t have to hear the latest! (again Sally might be able explain further).
leaving school, Janet had an eclectic working career initially working as a seamstress on high end ball gowns, then working as a secretary for an architectural practice, incidentally where she met her handsome and debonaire future husband, worked for DHL as a PA and Quality Auditor which, as a lover of organising, lists and process, suited her down to the ground.
She left salaried employment when a longed-for child arrived and became the devoted mum that Charlotte grew to know and cherish. Janet took to motherhood in her own special and unique way, for example;
• When Charlotte became scared of dogs, Janet got the biggest dog she could find, in the form of our faithful Labrador Cleo, the fear was gone and a bond was formed. Charlotte has acquired her love of animals from both parents, but especially mum.
• When Charlotte needed a costume for world book day at school, and Amazon failed to deliver a Hermione Grainger outfit with less than 24hrs to go, Janet worked into the early hours to provide one. Charlotte’s of course was the best costume!
Charlotte was encouraged to jump in muddy puddles, make mud pies, make noise, dance, make a mess and generally to have fun. Other boring stuff could wait until later. Janet was determined Charlotte would be allowed to have a fun childhood filled with great experiences and above all love.
Charlotte and her mum’s bond remains incredibly strong, she was always available to comfort and listen and advise, or sometimes just to give a big hug, helping Charlotte through difficult times. Charlotte recalls regular chats in what they referred to as their ‘daily downloads’ when they discussed every subject under the sun and putting the world to rights!
Away from the family Janet’s life was also devoted to animals, in particular horses. In her teenage years she would often work at stables at a weekend looking after them with the hope she could ride one of them. She became an accomplished horsewoman. She had an aim that she would own a horse by the age of 50. Sadly, this didn’t happen, however she did at least have chances to ride occasionally locally to her home and on one memorable occasion in Tennessee when visiting Sally. A field with a horse was never passed without a fuss being made of it!
She was never without one or a number of dogs, cats, geese, chickens, rabbits and many other species too numerous to name. These were all looked after and loved. She would particularity gravitate towards animals in need, with abandoned cats and more recently ex battery hens being re homed. These often-distressed creatures soon became content, healthy and thoroughly pampered members of our family. Janet offered no apology for this, she believed their lives were as sacred as hers so they must be treated well.
All animals were welcomed into the garden, unless they were a rat or a spider! But even these were to be re homed, usually by her husband, but banished to the furthest reaches of the garden. Our garden grew to be a haven for birds, insects and bats, encouraged by feed stations or the right planting.
Nature and the natural world were a passion, she was a keen and knowledgeable naturalist, though she did on one occasion mistakenly, but proudly proclaim in front of Charlotte’s English Tutor and others that she was a closet naturist instead! She never lived it down but did see the funny side when teased.
She loved to be in the countryside or her garden as much as possible. She loved a muddy dog walk, a remote beach, a stormy sea, a moody sky, nature in the raw.
Her love of travelling often took us on holidays which had elements of nature somewhere, whether it was swimming with Stingrays in far flung Antigua or walking on a windy beach closer to home in probably her most favourite location in the world, Cornwall.
She particularly loved trees and would love to sit under them reflecting on life and was even known to hug them much to Charlotte’s amusement. She found a spiritual connection with the world when around trees or just out in nature and this was her ‘happy place’.
More recently she trained and became an accredited beekeeper. She was hoping to establish hives at home to help preserve them as she saw in how much a perilous state these amazing creatures are.
Janet was always up to something, there was always a project on the go. Charlotte and I would often nervously look at each other when mum came into the room and announced that she was ‘on a mission‘ or advise ‘I’ve been thinking’’. The mission or what she’d been thinking about didn’t matter, but it usually meant something interesting was about to occur and we’d better get on board and just accept it! If she added ‘you might not like this’ it usually cost me some money too!
Her community spirit was evident. She was always one of the first to volunteer for something if it was going to help someone or a group. She became the chair of the school PTA and using her love of organising and arranging events to great success to help the school. She was on the committee for the centenary celebration for the local village hall.
Janet had an entrepreneurial side and when Charlotte was young, to occupy her mind and raise a little money, Janet would grow seedlings and sell them locally, she’d sell Mother’s Day baskets or Christmas wreaths. The house and green house would be full of seedlings all being carefully nurtured for sale, but I think Janet just as much loved the joy of growing plants from seed and watching the miracle of Mother Nature as much as any money she made.
Janet loved cooking, particularly cakes, and this love was partially behind taking on a small café within Brantham called Bakes and Blossoms. A number of people here today became friends having first met her there having sampled the cakes. Forced to give the shop up she continued a sandwich round, mobile catering, making candles amongst many other things to provide an income and occupy her time as well as.
Janet enjoyed exploring and we had numerous trips around the world and some more local. Her most favourite destination was probably Cornwall, as this is where we honeymooned, but she also had a love of the Scottish Isles. She had the ability to get lost anywhere, even close to home but that was always part of the adventure of life to her you never knew what was around the corner and anyway she’d possibly packed enough food for a day or so, that we’d be OK.
Despite her quiet, gentle nature and her diminutive stature, she would draw herself up to her full height of 4ft 11in and three quarters (the three quarters is very important by the way!!) and tackle anyone. She was resolute and would stand up and fight for what she believed to be right and true or for something that was affecting those she held dear. She did earn another family nickname of ‘Rottweiler’ as she dealt with a slow or ineffective petty bureaucrats on their behalf. She was always someone you wanted fighting in your corner. She would take on the might of a government department, a school teacher not helping Charlotte or on one occasion a Dutch drug dealer high on Interpol’s wanted list (though we didn’t know this at the time!) who had driven into our car. I don’t think he knew what had hit him! She didn’t back down, was determined and courageous.
Janet’s courage and positive outlook was evident during her illness, despite all that she went through she fought it with all she had. She never really moaned about what life had given her just got on with making the best of what was left. This was true throughout her life, she maintained a positive and optimistic outlook and always tried to see the best in any event or anyone and it got us through some difficult times. If she did get down it was not for long. It’s a life lesson that both Charlotte and I try to follow.
Janet’s greatest love was to be with her family and particularly enjoyed a family gathering. This included venturing to Latitude, Sherwood Forest, The Netherlands, amongst others, and a Christmas meal or two. The location didn’t really matter, all that did matter was lots of chatting, laughing and drinking a little Prosecco or Gin and tonics to lubricate the voice. These chats would last for hours but meant so much to her because of who they were with.
I always gently teased Janet about her family’s inability to say goodbye to each other at the end of these family gatherings, which often left me lingering for seemingly hours waiting. though I never really minded as she was happy; however, Janet, on this occasion, I hope you don’t mind me lingering awhile in saying goodbye to you and reflecting on our time together.
I could not have hoped for a better partner in life; a true and loyal friend, a wise counsel, a non-judgmental listener, a gentle kind and giving soul, a confidant, a light during my dark times, an inspiration, a brilliant mother, and a kindred spirit.
We’ve loved each other from virtually the first time we met and built a strong relationship that endured, if not strengthened, despite whatever life threw at us. I’m immensely proud to call you my wife. The low points were slight and short and are heavily outweighed by all the fun, laughter, silliness, chatter, companionship and above all, the love that we shared for each other and our daughter.
You’ve been taken too early, and whilst we will not grow old disgracefully together as planned, or embarrass our daughter as parents only can, but rather than regrets, I feel thoroughly blessed and thankful to have had you in my life for as long as I did. We were together for over 30 years, 26 of which were as a married couple. We packed so many memories into those years and I will treasure and cherish every one of them and the happy and contented life we shared. These memories of your life and your beautiful soul are what Charlotte and I and everyone here celebrate with you today.
I sadly have to bid you good bye now my darling, though be assured that you will always be with me in my thoughts and in my heart for the rest of my life.
Rest now and remember: I love you so much.